In My Dreams

Send/Receive

I have a very hard time waiting for things. I remember my frustration with the postal service when awaiting a letter in the mail from a long distance friend. Then the frustration over telephone calls before answering machines became popular. With the introduction of the Internet came the familiar buzz of the dial up, and the all too common busy signal. While every new advancement brought increased efficiencies I still found fault in having to 'wait'.
As of late my frustrations have turned to email. I now have a new nightly routine where I sit at my computer and incessantly press the Send/Receive button in my email program. I am waiting for communication from my husband. With his new job came limited opportunities for us to have free-flowing conversations back and forth. So I send him a message and then hit Send/Receive until I get a response, as if I am somehow able to control the speed at which emails travel.
I've had some time to analyze this somewhat bizarre behavior, and finally tonight came an epiphany! It isn't impatience that fuels my constant finger pokes. Rather, it is an attempt to speed up communication to somehow enable the conversations to feel more instantaneous as they would if Mark were standing right before me. Ultimately, albeit unrealistically, what I am hoping to accomplish is Mark's actual physical presence on the seat beside me. Just as the letters that arrived in the mail could not make my best friend appear on my doorstep, neither are the words on my screen capable of allowing me to rest my head on Mark's shoulder as he tells me about his night. But still, I will poke on, and with each repetitive motion hold on to the hope that one day it just might work. ;-)

November? When did that happen?

I am always in such shock with how fast the year goes by. Of course this year has been such a blur with all that has gone on with our business. But now things are finally starting to slow down a bit. I've been outside two days in a row walking the dog and enjoying the fall colors during the middle of the afternoon. It feels so great to not have to rush home from work and try to figure out what to make for supper. I love having the time now to make us all breakfast and pack Mark a lunch for his 11:30 p.m. break. Every day the stresses are a bit less.

October 29th.......my heart will choose to say..Blessed be the Lord

16 years ago today we learned of God's compassion through a most difficult situation. Our son, Mark Everett died in utero during the 7th month of my pregnancy. While his earthly body was delivered into this world without life, he was welcomed into our Father's arms in Heaven fully alive! We know we will be reunited with him when we are called home. God brought us peace thoughout this sad time and surrounded us with the love of friends and family. Today we continue our tradition of releasing birthday balloons to remember our son who was taken too soon.
Sadly this day in 2010 has some added pain that also could not have been anticipated. Today we close the doors of our business for good. A chapter closed in our lives. For seven years we have ridden the rollercoaster of self-employment, with it's ups and downs and unpredictabilities. While we would never have imagined the outcome of this venture we can find comfort in the love of family and friends just as we did 16 years ago.

October and gladly the end is near...

Yes, I know, a strange title for blog, however given the circumstances that have surrounded our lives for the past two years and particularly the past five months, the end is what we gladly welcome.

Mark's job was such a blessing from the Lord and we are so grateful for HIS provision. Mark has proven himself over and over again an excellent hire. So, why the strange title then, you may ask. Well, with Mark's new employment has come some pretty drastic changes in the Hart lifestyle. We have attempted to keep the business going with my taking over the day to day operations, but the long hours of Mark's schedule, combined with my long hours, combined with almost no family time is taking its toll on all of us and it really must end. Sooner or later a white flag must be raised and a surrender declared in order to salvage the sanity of the participants. That time has come.

The decision to close the business has been one that has been at the forefront of our minds for several months now, but its just so hard to let go of something that you have watched your husband work so hard to build. It really took the kind words of a friend who has been by our sides since the beginning to say, "It's okay to say enough, there is no shame when you have given it all you had". Perhaps that was all we needed, someone other than ourselves to give us permission.


And now that the permission has been granted we feel a bit of spring in our step. We look towards the end of the tunnel and actually can see a light. It won't be pretty or neat, the closing of a business that has been in the community for 15+ years, seven of those under our watch. We certainly won't be walking away with cash dangling from our pockets, in fact you will find our pockets turned inside out, the glaring white emptiness symbolic of our own personal surrender flag. But it will bring about the end to this chapter, one that we welcome with eyes turned upward towards the One who wrote the book and has promised a happy ending.

August.. and life is changing so fast

I've been a little hesitant to write, as things seem to be changing faster than I can keep up with them. I am saddened that I missed my annual letter to Katie on her birthday. Thankfully she knows of the insanity that encircles us all right now and has a gracious and forgiving heart.
As some of you know, Mark has returned to the corporate world. The economic downturn and the strains that it was placing on the business, proved to be beyond our comfort zone. It did not take long for Mark to reconnect with friends from his prior vocation and secure a job that offered the stability of a regular paycheck. In his stead I have taken on the task of running the business. For those of you who know me and all my shortcomings, you are probably laughing as you read this. Somehow fresh baked banana bread doesn't go quite as far in the business world. The good news is, things have begun to pick up at work and the last two months have looked good on the books.
We are however quickly approaching 7 years here in Eugene and are all feeling the itch to move. My mother always said I was the one that got the gypsy blood in the family. It's not that we don't love our friends, or our church, we just got so used to all the moves early on that to be any place for too long causes us to start feeling a bit stagnant. It could be that we've never really had a place that we called 'home', and it could be it's because God does not expect us to ever feel as though there is a place here on earth that is to feel like 'home'. Whatever the reason, the antsiness exists in all four of us. Collectively we four function as one, and have since Daniel entered the world to complete our family. I do also long for the day when we will reunite with Mark Everett and I see my son who left this world before anyone had a chance to know him. So perhaps what I long for most, is eternity.

"Solar Powered Life" Music Video

Here is the kids latest. They've entered it in a contest, so if you'd like to help them do well, send it on to friends!

Wondering what's next...but not worrying about what's next.

In such uncertain times as these, when we see companies continue to close their doors and our own offices painfully quiet, I often find myself contemplating what may be coming around the bend. It is in these times of contemplation that I find that I am mostly just curious, not fearful or dreading. I am blessed to have breath in my body today and a heart that still beats. I am surrounded by my family who also enjoy good health. God holds our tomorrow in His hands and will reveal it in His perfect timing. There is a strange sense of wonderment, knowing that change is inevitable. I don't worry about it, frankly because God has told us not to worry, or to be anxious. But I wonder at it!

The latest from the kids...they crack me up.

Click the link below to see the kid's latest video on Youtube.

The Cell Phone Song

Reader Profile Daniel Hart, Budding Cinematographer

Reader Profile Daniel Hart, Budding Cinematographer


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Happy Anniversary Baby..I've got you on my mind....

Okay, I'm a bit premature, as our anniversary is not officially until tomorrow, but I plan to be busy tomorrow!
21 years my husband and I will be celebrating tomorrow! We have plans for dinner out, a movie, some window shopping, time together. It really doesn't matter to me what we do, I am content sitting beside him on the couch watching the weather channel. :-)

The New Year is Upon Us!

2010..What will it bring? Let's hope for some improvements over 2009! However looking back over 2009 we certainly had some great blessings. Katie 'graduating' high school and starting her 2nd year at the community college. Daniel starting high school and working part-time. The business survived the year. Mark finished a three year long Men's Leadership class at church. Yes, so many blessings.

Prayer Request

Please join us in praying for our friend's son.
Per

Counting down til Christmas...

So hard to believe we are just a week away. We are all looking forward to celebrating Christ's birth!

Daniel turns 14.

The first moments of your life are shared with your Daddy. Your father has chosen the name Daniel as his desire is for you to grow to be a man who worships God as Daniel did. Soon after, your sister is brought in and the two of you share his lap. It is late and your sister is wearing pajamas. In the early hours of the next morning you and I hang out. I keep you snuggled close to me. You look like your Daddy. At home you sleep by our bed for your first year. You often have troubles which don't allow for much sleep. I worry a lot.

Your first birthday finds us living in a new house in a new city. Your cake is shaped like a baseball cap, and you devour it with both hands. You like to be close to me. A bottom drawer in the kitchen is your place of choice to play. You love it when your sister reads to you and never like to sit down in the tub.

At two you are once again in a new town and a new house. You share a bedroom with your sister and that makes you happy, although you still wind up in our bed every night. You watch Blues Clues religiously.

You're three and we live in Missouri. You have your own bedroom, but rarely sleep in your bed. You like to be outside and you experience your first snowfall. You discover sledding, and hot chocolate and marshmallows. You sing...all the time.

You're four and once again your house and town has changed. We call Virginia home now. Your bedroom looks like a bunkhouse. You have brands on your walls. You can ride a bike with no training wheels and you like to go really fast. You make me nervous. You like your Sunday School teacher and going to church. You know Jesus and how to read.

You're five and you wake up with a song on your lips. For Christmas you get a guitar and you start learning how to play. You have a teacher named Daniel. You play your first 'gig' at a coffee house downtown. You are your sister's shadow.

At six the news is still full of images of the Twin Towers crumbling. You are still playing your music and now soccer has entered your life. You are aggressive and fearless, but your heart is kind. You care for others more than yourself. We are proud of you.
We have a new addition to the family, a dog named Jenna.

You're seven and yes, we live in a new town and you have a new house. We are in Wisconsin, and you learn you have the same birthday as Brett Farve. You have a really big bedroom and your own bathroom, but you still prefer to sleep in your sister's room . Your love for music has not changed. We are unable to find a guitar instructor so you begin playing piano. You play by ear. We live close to your aunt and uncle so we visit them often. You like to make movies. Our country has entered into war.

Two days after your eighth birthday we are moving to Oregon. Your new bedroom is small, but you like that your bed is raised up off the ground and you can touch your ceiling. You like to play with the neighbor's little kids. You still play piano, but now your passion is making movies. You turn the garage into your private studio.

You're nine and you are writing songs and still making movies. You like our church and you havejavascript:void(0) made some new friends. You have a sleepover in a tent in our living room for your birthday. You like coffee. You make us laugh.

You're ten and your are in a new room. We have bought a house. You design your room with Daddy. It has a lightning bolt on the wall. It's cool. You were really sick for several months and spent a lot of time at the hospital. I worried and prayed a lot. Many days you spent on the couch with your eyes closed.

By eleven your sickness has passed and it is never known what the cause was. You like computers and music and film-making. You recruit neighbor kids to act in your movies.

Twelve finds you picking up your guitar once again. You take to it as one who is picking up riding their bike again. You like to serenade us with made up songs. Some are funny and some are serious. Your movies get better all the time. You and your sister are best friends. You love spending time with your family and playing board games. You are a Christ follower.

You are surprised with a thirteenth birthday party. Your movie is shown on a big screen in the middle school classroom and many of your friends come. You enter a video contest with another of your films and you win second place. You have become known as 'the video guy'. You make me a film for Christmas where you and your sister sing a song you wrote and you include video clips from when you were just a little boy. I cry.

Today you are fourteen. You have a breakfast of waffles,sausages and potatoes, and of course coffee. You have requested pizza for supper. I have made you an ice cream cake..chocolate with white frosting and blue writing. You are one of the finest young men we know. You look more like Dad every day. You wear glasses now and have begun to discover anew the beauty that God has created. You earn money now for your film editing abilities, and know with certainty that you will pursue a career in film-making. Your commitment to Christ makes us smile. Your integrity and honesty are admirable. You have indeed lived up to your name.

Happy Birthday my Daniel boy. You have brought us such joy. I could not be more proud of the young man that you have become.

Annual Raft Trip

Well, I surely would be remiss if I did not include a blog post about our annual church rafting trip. We were a little concerned on Thursday and Friday as the skies threatened and temperatures dropped. We waited for the phone to ring Friday night with the call that the trip had been cancelled, but alas, the call never came and we were up bright and early on Saturday adding a few extra layers for warmth.
Once again we were joined by our friends Dave and Kay Smith. (You may remember them from last year's blog post.) This year their son, Dan, also joined us for the adventure. Now at this point I feel it important to say a few words about our friends.
Normally it takes years of getting to know people before you would feel comfortable enough inviting them out on a trip where they will be pounded repeatedly by the blasts of waterguns shot at close range by persons they don't even know or asked to ride in the back of a van some 10 miles to the put- in spot..and I mean the back..behind the 3rd row seat. However we have not known the Smiths for years, in fact it has been less than two years since our paths first crossed, but the friendship that has formed feels as though it's been a lifetime.
They are the type of friends you can call last minute to help you put together a surprise 18th birthday party for your daughter. (Like..call on Wednesday..party on Friday) Who will play card games deep into the night and listen to your family sing countless verses of Silly Songs with Larry and invite you back. Who will invite you to participate in their annual New Years Eve traditions and not laugh at your poor attempts at Charades. (In our defense....I think some of those titles were made up ;-). ) I imagine you get the picture. Most importantly, they are the sort of friends who will pray for you in your most trying of times and are always ready with a word of encouragement.
The sun did intermingle with some clouds on Saturday, but the rains stayed away and the rafting trip proved to once again be a blast...at least for the elder Smiths and Harts on board! (Thank goodness we've refused to grow up!)

A Mother's Quiet Thoughts

Her name is Kathryne, named for her grandmother, but we call her Katie. When she was born she was placed on her Daddy's chest and her crying ceased immediately. She snuggled in and was comforted by his voice, the voice she had heard reading to her in the womb for 8 months. When her mother recovered from the c-section Katie was brought to her and she nursed vigorously then slept peacefully nestled in her arms. We brought her home and marveled at her every move.
At one and a half she discovered the tiny baby Jesus in her nativity set. She carried Him everywhere.
At two her vocabulary astounded them. Her contentment made for a peaceful home. She could wave out the window as her Daddy went to work all on her own. She sang songs with a purple dinosaur named Barney and loved a little boy named Ma-mow. And she began to hear more about this Jesus, whom she still carried wherever she went.
At 3 she told Jesus she loved Him and wanted Him to live in her heart. And He did. He comforts her and her parents when her baby brother dies before she even gets to meet him. Her curly blonde locks make her resemble Shirley Temple.
At 4 she got very sick, so much so that her round cheeks became gaunt and she never ate. Her eyes still twinkled and she still laughed even when they poked her with big needles. We were told she had a disease that would stay with her for her lifetime and that there would be many surgeries in her future. She began to have serious talks with Jesus, and one night He answered her with a touch. She felt it as she slept and explained it to us in the morning. He had healed her, she was certain and she was right.
She has another baby brother. She thinks he is pretty amazing and teaches him all sorts of fun things. She tells him about Jesus too. At 3 years old, he also asks Jesus to live in his heart. She and her brother are best friends.
At 5 she goes to kindergarten and her teacher loves her. She makes friends easily. She is the only girl invited to one of the boy's birthday parties and is not afraid to jump in the bounce house with her pretty party dress. She is smart.
At 6 she has moved twice with her father's jobs. We have begun to homeschool her and can hardly keep up with her pace of learning. She has been reading since she was 4. She reads to her little brother everyday. He follows her around everywhere. We live in the country and she loves to play outside.
At 7 she has moved again. She discovers there are lots of homeschooled kids at this new destination and she is happy. Her bests friends are Tyler and Annie. They are inseparable. They play make believe a lot. She loves her church and learns more and more about Jesus. She is in Awanas and always remembers her verses. Her grandmother for whom she was named has died. We travel to California to say goodbye.
At 8 she is respectful and listens to her elders. She values truth and honesty. She likes to climb trees.
At 9 she has close friends but her brother remains her closest. She loves to perform and will turn the front stairs into a stage.
At 10 she has a birthday party with relatives in New Hampshire and discovers the joys of Great Nana's house.
At 11 she is moving again to a city where the wind chills can be -20º. Her whole family cries as they drive away from a home and city that they love. She makes new friends and they play roller-hockey in the basement. Her Aunt and Uncle live in the same town and sometimes she watches her cousin play basketball or the other cousin play tennis. They like to get ice cream at a place called "The Cow". She likes to go to the "Y" with her family to swim and feel the ice crystals on her hair when she walks to the car afterwards.
At 12 another move. She's grown accustomed to moving, but is also quite tired of it. She is thankful for her brother who is always by her side. He keeps her from being lonely. They like to make movies together. She lives closer to her grandparents now and sees them more often.
At 13 they settle into a new church and she finds a few friends. She is still homeschooled and discovers there is a resource center for homeschooled kids. She has a friend at church who goes there as well. Her brother is still her best friend.
At 14 she takes an acting class that performs Shakespeare. She is shy at first, but quickly is befriended by the group. She is quite happy. Learning lines is easy for her, but she needs to slow down when she speaks them. Her family likes to hike and bike and take day trips. It rains a lot where she lives.
At 15 she is still performing and participates in yet another acting troupe. She is most happy when she is performing. She loves Jesus and makes a decision to be baptized. Her mother and brother look on as she is baptized by her father. They all cry. She helps in a Sunday School class with 4 year olds and they adore her.
At 16 she discovers that boys can be cute but very weird, but often easier to get along with than girls. She reads a book about kissing dating goodbye and it makes sense to her. Her Daddy is still the greatest man she knows besides Jesus. Her acting keeps improving and she is natural on stage.
At 17 she is in her last year of high school and she learns she can take classes at the community college. They seem almost easy for her, but it's sort of cool being on college campus. She babysits regularly for a family and the little one lights up when he sees her. He teaches her the difference between Thomas and Percy. She teaches the kindergarten Sunday School class now. She is reliable. Her first car is totaled in a freak accident when it is parked by the curb. Boys are still cute and she begins to wonder about her Prince Charming. She knows that God has engraved her name on Prince Charming's heart and until she has met him she will guard hers. Her mother, like all good Italian mothers, has begun a list of potential Prince Charmings, which is quite short, for all good Italian mothers are also quite selective. She chuckles and shakes her head at her mother, in the end she knows that there is a very big difference between a boy who likes her and a boy who 'likes likes' her and God will send her nothing less than 'likes likes'.

She will be 18 on Friday. Her father is still her hero and her brother her closest friend. Her mother makes her smile and often makes her crazy. She is beautiful. There are still faint resemblances to the little girl with the curls and when her hair gets wet the curls come back. Her blue eyes still glisten when she laughs. She keeps a bear aptly named "Mr. Bear" on her bed. He has been by her side since the day she was born. She has another car whom she calls Max. She is remarkable, responsible, level-headed and full of life, although not after 10 p.m. or before 9 a.m. She really can light up a room with her smile. Her parents are proud of who she is. They often receive compliments from others who have come to know her. They would like to take the credit but they know that who she is today is who she has chosen to be. It has been their privilege to be her parents. She has made wise decisions. She keeps her Bible by her bed and Jesus in her heart.


(Written for my precious Princess P, who fills my heart with such joy. You will one day know the depths of such joy when you gaze for the first time upon the face of your own child. I will be there and as excited as I will be to meet a grandchild, I will marvel more at watching you, my daughter, experiencing the sensation of motherhood and we will look at each other and our eyes will meet and you will know the secret that I have known all along. And we will bond all over again. I love you.)

4th of July 2009..

Awesome day! Started with coffee out on the patio..then big breakfast, including belgian waffles. Great afternoon in the kayaks on the Willamette River! Grilled burgers and BBQ chicken for dinner..and finally going to finish it all off with some homemade chocolate chip ice cream and enjoying the neighbors firework show! We are so thankful to live in this Country where we have so many freedoms!

The Princess gets a new hairdo!

Katie had about 6 inches of hair cut off! It looks so cute! She is very happy with how it turned out, and it's so nice not having all that hair to deal with during these hot days of summer!

Tomorrow is the day..

Katie's high school graduation. It seems impossible.